HELP!!!!

yeah
i definately needed all the help
so i have decided to be there so that they can help me
and i can help them too

haha
so here i come

A Call

received a class from Mr Murugan
it is not a surprised
but i am still very surprised

Mr Murugan:"Hei tension, r u busy now?? can talk for a moment??"

Me :"no, yeah."

Mr Murugan:"Dun cry k?? What is over is over k?? Your hard work is paid off ad.. everyone knew that....Life is still long and have to go on.."

Me:"yeah..."

Mr Murugan:"dun cry k?? remember dun cry..."


Yeah
thats almost all of it
ok
i am not crying
but it feels like crying though
just feels like
its still ok
yeah

i am totally positive about that

Dun b worry k??

erm,
actually i have been great these days
i guess so
totally plenty of time spent on some activities outdoor
with frens
so ok lah
tat will be the answer

yeah
really no need to be worry
bcz i am not going to be suicidal
and i really improved

from a person who can cry looking outside of the window
to
a person who only stare at the view outside of the window
with no tears

sarcastically
i am still doomed

i lied again today
for a good reason - thats what i think
i do not want to have another fren to be worried and leaving wif all the worries about me
so i lied that i am super fine ad
but actually no lah
juz in the process loh

so
everyone
is it enough to say
i am even stronger than the hui chi 10 years before
k??

the day after the day

Yeah
i bet a lot of u all will want to know
how have i been right
after yesterday's ups and downs, hell and heaven

so i was able to put on a fake smile until the end of the day
when the lights went out
tears keep flowing out of my eyes
that i cant even stop it
i dun even noe what time i started
i think its around 10pm lah
i cry until i cant even sleep

when i close my eyes
a lot of scenes flow back into my mind
and
a lot of dialogue keep ringing in my ears.

that even make the tears flow even more
i think until around 2am only i stop the mission of flooding my own house.

yeah
i cant even forgive myself to make all my friends
worried about me
but what can i say
i do realy know that i need a lot of time to recover

especially - confidence
i can even realise it that my hands shake pretty serious
when i face people

this is one of the symptoms of me lacking of confidence
that has never been here for so many years but it came back

i am still ok gua
if u all want to noe
din cut myself with knife
din think of suicide
juz that my eyes is smaller only lah
so u all noe loh what happen

Day of today

今天是一个非常有意义与纪念性的一天
那就是象征着我的愿望破灭
那也就象征着希望暂时毁灭，心又再一次的破碎
请不要再问我的成绩如何
请暂时不要触及伤口
对不起大家，我今天失态了
对不起大家，为我担心了

我第一次知道哭那么久，留了那么多的泪
还是没有办法让自己那伤心的心
不再伤心
世界第一次变得很快
但是时间却转得很慢
第一次身旁的东西变得模糊
第一次听不见任何声音
第一次头脑好昏
醒过来时已经泪流满面哭得要生要死
让我也明白再多的拥抱也温暖不了那已经冰冷的心
再多的鼓励已经于事无补

一点的理智回来了
停止所有的哭泣
就是不想再看见身边那担心与手足无措的表情
就换上一副让自己觉得比哭更难看的笑脸
把自己的泪水与难过都咽下去吧


对着他们的嘻嘻哈哈
就算我还是很难过但
为了不像破坏他们庆祝的气氛
就算把自己的泪水藏起来委屈自己一下也是应该的啦
可是还是怪自己没有用
有时自己还是很苯的流了泪起来但还是快快地擦干

听见他们有的讨论应该去哪里的时候
还是不免心中起了一些海浪
真的好羡慕
可是有什么用呢？

第一次发现我已经忍无可忍
在没有人认识我的巴士里
悄悄的
泪就滑下来了
走在路上
就没有停过
只有几个路人悄悄用异样的眼光看我
可是就算他们想什么我也不在乎
因为我不认识他们他们也不认识我

到了另一个地方
又要把面具带起来
对大家微笑
便会一个人人都认识的一个坚强的我
可是有很多时候我还是很不争气的流泪了
可是Jason他说你不是刚才还好好的吗？
是不是在撑啊？
对他我还蛮诚实的

常常在他们聊天中
我失魂了
在Jason的叫唤下把我带回现场
也会让我感觉我是一个局外人
一点也格格不入

就算Jason他一直在安慰我
可是我知道他也非常的难过
看他那红红的眼睛我就知道了
可是还是要谢谢你啦Jason

Zi Kang他的来电让我知道
原来他也不比我好
可是还是慢慢的在安慰我
就算如何我也不能让他知道其实我听着听着也哭了
谢谢你Zi Kang

心中的那颗心非常脆弱
就象玻璃一样
这一次碎得很严重
就算把它真正的粘回去
那些裂痕还是在的


看着那街上的街灯
也可以流眼泪
我也是今天才发现原来泪留下来是温热的
可是就算再温再热也温暖不了那已经冷却的心

Yi Theng对不起啊，我不是故意要让你担心的，也不是故意要破坏今天的气氛的可是还是要恭喜你啦。你常在我身边陪伴我与那些安慰是我一生中最感谢上天送给我的一个礼物。最后还是一句对不起与谢谢你。

Audrey对不起啊，也要恭喜你啦。谢谢你也在我身旁给与我的一些鼓励与给我勇气的动作。我应该带来了不少困扰给你吧！对不起啊，还有真得谢谢了。

Pei Wen对不起啊，也让你担心了。真得很对不起也要恭喜你。谢谢你的鼓励真得谢谢。还有对不起真的....

Jason谢谢你今天一直不断再不断的鼓励可是我是不是真得很没有用呢？就算你真的浪费你的口水来说服我放下可是我还是做不到呢？对不起哦，我真得很苯吧。真得谢了，你自己也要加油吧。

Zi Kang谢谢你还记得有我这个人的存在，接到你的来电，我有点意外可是听见你一句又一句长气的安慰我真得有感动。知道你自己也不好可是还一直叮咛我要接受让我有一丝丝的心痛可是我自己也顾不了自己又怎样来安慰你呢？真的对不起啊，也要真心得谢谢你。

Sir对不起啊，你应该对我的期望有很大吧，可是我又让你失望了。你那质问的眼神让我彻底地感到对不起。对不起，对不起，除了对不起我还能说什么？多谢你一直的宠爱，关心与教导可是我还是让你很失望吧。

真应该对不起的是我自己吧
应该是我不够努力
应该是我不够专注
应该是我真得没有用
应该是我真得很苯
应该是我.......
这些的造成应该就是我自己的错吧。
不能怪谁
只能怪自己啦。

真的希望时间冲淡一切？
我这个懦弱的人
到底需要多长的时间
才会恢复呢？
我自己也不知道
真得不知道

最后一句了
还是那一句

对不起

Yeah

Today is suppose to be a day of bad mood
because the SPM result is going to be out by tomorrow
so i am in massive stress
than i cant handle it myself
so i went to shop alone in KLCC
juz to relax
i guess it helps
since a lot of my frens did that too
so i try lah

went into Zara.......
saw this waist coat being dumb by others on the table
so it try it on and love it
This is what they call love at first sight loh.

Next i saw another black top
that becomes the second item i love
so i ask the sales assistant there whether they have a black one
but so sad the black one is sold out lah
so try this one on loh

haha first time try on
something like this
Oh My Gosh
I love it man

Looks like......

i don't know leh....
But......

the price can even kill me man

The waist coat cost : RM89.90

The black top cost : RM99.90

The whole set cost me around RM190.00

OMG

OMG

i love it so how leh

i bought the waist coat and

the black top

u have to wait for me lah....

pls wait until i have enough money to buy u.....

Yeah at least

my mood did turn better lah i guess.

Outing

Today 8/3/2009

Character: Me, Yi Theng,Audrey & Yen Yee
We went back to Kasturi to support our beloved teacher- Ms Lynn's first released album

Yeah

Long story but i try to make it short lah

I doubt that can i do that

i say:"???? Huh???? no lah we wait for ms lynn de as she released her 1st album v come to buy as a support lah" - seems like i have potential to be PR leh-

This is what i told ms Christina

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aiya

at last we get the CD lah

i also very tired ad lah

dun wan to type so much

juz hope to keep that my blog is not dead only lah.

giv photo lah

Front Cover

nice leh

inside

she really looks like jacklyn victor rite??

with autograph somemore

Too tired just this lah

ofcourse lah v went window shop but the story very long if u r interested juz pm in msn i tell u lah

Tagged

OMG...i have never think of doing this but i terpaksa dan dipaksa.....

Directions: Once you've been tagged, you've to write a blog or a note on Facebook with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 10 people to tag, listing their names & why you choose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment ("you're it") and to read your blog. You can't tag the person that tagged you. Since you can't tag me, let me know when you've posted your blog/note, so I can see your weirdness.(:


1. Someone who really hopes that TVXQ members are all healthy and are safe........Thats all...
2. Someone who really hope to live with TVXQ members but its quite impossible so the 1st one is my wish and i think thats morethan enough.
3. Someone who hopes that Shim ChangMin doesn't have gastric or anything......juz eat well sleep well and speak your mind out......
4. Someone who does not dare to watch any concert of TVXQ --cause it will be disaster for me as i will cry all
the night seeing them perform in such tiring situation but still finish all the perfomances..........even the video in youtube that about the concert in Seoul or even in Bangkok.
5. Someone who looks at TVXQ and cry........
6. Someone who loves reading.. -- avid reader lah...
7. Someone who are tough outside and weak in the inner.
8. Someone who hopes to fly to England to further studies......
9. Someone who loves Espresso Frapucino and Mocha Latte
10. Someone who loves to be alone especially in the night......
11. Someone who wants a new handphone, laptop and even a i-pod free.....
12. Someone who wants to learn many different languages - Japanese, Korean, Spanish, French... 13. Someone who wants to have a bf - i guess......
14. Someone who loves to talk to friends and laugh like mad people in the public and do not care
about her own image.
15. Someone who hopes that me and friends will never forget each other and the bond between
us is still as strong as electrostatic force and it doesn't matter where we are and who we
changed into.
16. Someone who likes Tiffany & Co. necklaces and rings.
17. Someone who can change her emotion just in a second.
18. Someone who will like to be more mature..
19. Someone who hopes that everyone get all their wishes came true.
20. Someone who hopes that her SPM results will be 12A1s.....

P/S : Audrey see.....i even give u more points that u wanted..........hehe XD


I want to tag

1. Audrey Leow
as she is the one who tag me.........and come out with her own new illogical theory that i fly my boss means i have time to do the tag.

2. Yi Theng
as she knows how boring this thing is so she din tag me and i should be thankful to her but i still hope to tag her cause tis will generate her brain cells to tink more ideas to write.

3. Pui Yan
hehe....this girl ffk me so she have to get some punishment lah....... to the tagg again and again hhahahaha....-evil rite??

4. Yen Yee
as she just has her new comp so can do lah

5. Wai Yen
as she is crazy for love so sure have more wishes or anything to write de

6. Pei Wen
as she is here in my house tmr hehe..........she is that kind of friend that will not expired....hehe

7. Katrin Chan
since she says she has a lot of stories to tell

8. Stephanie
as she is the biggest station in Malaysia that collect informations

9. Jennifer
as she ah as crazy as me also

10. Xini
as she is now lost contact with me again lah........