Get rid of it
i really need talking to get rid of all these
and i can do it
surely
i can
get rid those emo-ness
that filled my heart for so long
i hate u guyz
i hate emo
i hate it
lol
i hate it

The heart

I do not know what had made me this
and i know that
i am a friendly person and u can really say so
lots of them will agree on it
but when u do something
that break the wall between us
and sorry to say
the wall of mine begin to build
i do feel that although
many days
many hours
many minutes
many seconds
have passed
but
the wall is there
to protect me
from u
and u
and u
and u

i will do watever for a fren
i can do anything for my own fren
i truly believe that fren
is the kind of people that
i take my heart out and let u know me more
but when it get a scratch or anything
i will never let my heart out again

by the way
i totally agree that
its so strange how strangers becomes frens
and how frens become frens become strangers again

My stand

I totally and logically reject his offer when he sms me
i did not even think twice i just reject it
because i know myself very well
i do not want to giv anyone a false hope that
we both will be the same as last time
and last time i really want to be clear about that
i am very surely say that
if i really no choice
i will never be there with both of u there
i am really sorry to say that
as i do not lie to myself
and the feeling is the feeling and
it will be there
just depends on me
but i hold onto my principle to live in this world
when i say no means no and never will
if not u can try to change me
and beware the glass is broken once and if u really wanna try
to change the fact
and come forwards and break the glass totally
normally..i will not
and please do not try to talk me into it
everything here is complicated enough and
i do not want to make it sound more complicated
i do not think there is hope really between both of us
and sorry
i will maintain the situation now
if none of u guys did something
and say thanks to god for it.

watever u wanna say that
i stand to strong on my own stand
and did not think about others feelings
and sorry to say
when u say that
did u really think?
watever lah
this is me
and thats how i react
whether u like it or not
thats me
the original me

Haha

Suddenly feel that something had changed
but i do not know wat is it
juz that i hope that
nothing changed much
having a stone on the heart doesn't
sound that good
or either no one can even figure out wat this means
and yeah bingo
thats the correct answer
no one can figure this line exactly correct
well
make a wild guess
and see whether it is correct or wrong
haha
my personally made equation
laughter=hapiness??
obviously no

18

Glady
is 18 ad from this day onwards
for her
i hope tat she is happy and
thats more than enough lah
i cant giv she plenty of stuff
i dun even noe wat i can giv her
lol
i cant even giv her a perfect birthday present
haiz....
wat to do.......
juz really hope that she is happy and thats enough

for me
if all my frens are happy
then i m fine with it
thats the only wish i have

Relief? Sad? Emo?

I myself also do not know
what are all these feelings
complicated
really complicated
i really feel bad
seeing the sky
changing from blue to grey
from grey to blue again
can it represent my feelings
it changes
glady called
lots of time
but i cried everytime she called
i wanted to be there
to share all the mixed feelings that will happened there every second
with her but i cant
so sad
when she called and cried
i too cried with her
and call her dun cry
lol
sound so silly
but hope that
wat we planned for her
for so long ad
she really enjoyed the whole thing
dun mind the whole process in between
but the result is most important for us
we will forget how tired we did everything
juz when seeing her expression
but
i cant see it
haiz
nvm
but at least i know she is happy
and thats is more than enough
for me

Different

Today seems to be different
than yesterday and tomorrow
how do i know??
i juz feel that differences in me today
so i feel the difference
i dun noe how to say
to its still different

Mid-Term

I am having it now
and it is going to end soon
and while this going on
i need to help my "bro" finish "his" work also
haiz
nvm lah
i will make sure "he" is happy de at last....
too tired to even say something

I did it

I think
I did it
I did it
how shud i know
but
i feel that
i did it

Let it go

Thats what i m been training myslelf for
and i think i can do it by myself
to really do this
i must have
lots and lots of confidence in this
i can de
cant i?

学到了

我学到了一些我不知道是对或错的东西
我不会再对任何的事有任何的期待
我不会再对任何的人有十分的信任
我不会再对任何的事感兴趣
我再也不会再让任何的事情牵动我的心
我不会对任何的人、事、物抱着常有的心态

这里发生的一切的一切
让我对很多东西有了不同的看法
让我对很多的人有了不同的想法
让我对很多的事有了不同的理念
也让我对自己有更多一份的了解

朋友
可分成很多的种类
所谓路遥知马力，日久见人心
这句话让我知道
不要把真正的感情完完全全的投入
不然到最后最伤的人，有可能是自己

我迷路了
我真的迷路了
到了一个我不熟悉的地方
我很想回到原来的地方
可是我觉得不管我再付出多大的努力
我都好像真的回不去了
我越努力，越逼自己回去
我就越回不去
难道我真的要在一个不熟悉的地方过一辈子吗？

我会回来吗？
是没有一个人可以给我一个明确的答案的问题。

泪流干了
还是挥不去那股感觉
那股犹如心中压着一块大石的感觉
那股心在痛也被人洒盐的感觉

真的笑了
笑自己的头脑好无聊
没事做就胡思乱想
没事做就让自己伤心

算了
我真的不想
真的不想
让自己难过让别人难做

尝试放开
尝试放下
尝试开心
尝试想不开

可能真的是我自己心中的执著吧
让自己那么难受
可是能放开执著吗？

那可是我一直的个性
我一直坚持着我自己认为对的东西
至于其他的，只要我认为对
我就会不顾一切保护自己
所以心中的枷锁才会一点一滴的增加吧
把自己再次的锁起来
让自己不再受伤害

我绝不允许自己被同样的人或同样的事物伤害第二次
不然我宁可被杀了也不要回味那血腥的味道
心在淌着血已不足以形容现在的我
对我来说血已流成了河，剩下来的只是一个没有了希望和灵魂的我

Heart

I found out that emotions is too hard to be control
it is going on a roller coaster
and
everything is in small little fragment and pieces
and is hard to be glued together again
mayb is my fault lah....
mayb is not
how should i know
i did wat i think is correct
and i din regret doing that
so i still feel sad
because i trusted so much on him
but he haiz.....
nvm.....
but i really feel haunted
by his words when i ever hear his voice
watever now

thx glady for accompany me the whole day
let my mind keep working on
so that i wont have time to think bout other stuff
thx leh.....
i dun noe lah
mayb i bother u or used up ur time too much ad
but anyway
thx very much

theng....
i really miss u like heaven and hell
lots and lots of things happen here
and i guess lots of it u will be able to understand
although the human inside the story
would be a stranger to u
i sometimes really hope that u r here
with me
fight this hard time together
lol
i sound so childish and kid-ish

I cant control myself these days
tears is getting more and more
where am i?
i cant take it anymore
i really cant take anymore
i wanna a shoulder to lean on
i wanna myself being hug tight
i wanna myself running away from all of these
i almost fall apart
i almost

Summary

Lots of things happened
in this short few days
and it seems that
all of us are just as fine as nothing had happened at all
but i do think that
something has changed
and the change will be permanent.
I can assure this
i can feel strongly that
there are still differences when all of us
are together and laughing as usual
Maybe thats my own personal opinion
and towards the 5 people
i did not want to mention
that although nothing seems
to happen but changes had already been made

A broken glass will still have the scar
although u stick it back

the words that keep echoing in my head
and that will be the words that i will
never be able to forget about it forever
in my whole life
whenever i hear your voice
it haunt me
and i keep flashing back the whole scenario

pls bare in mind that i m also human
i do have feelings
i do feel sad
i do feel the pain

pls do not wait till the last minute and
only found out that u did something wrong
that hurt me a lot

Erm
something happened
lots of things happened
plenty of feelings mixed up
plenty of rational between my head
plenty ............
pain here and there
the most painful will be my own eyes
since i cry the most these days
laughters??
u may be will ask??
where is all the laughters??
i dun noe
but i really din laugh since monday till now
i really have no mood to laugh
i feel that
i kind of returning back to the state
that i have been
like
nothing can make me laugh
and nothing can make me cry anymore
i think that
my heart feel like i need to stoned up myself for sometimes ad
wat i wanted to say is that
dun ask whether i m ok or watever
and pls do remember that
the cherry here wont fall apart
juz be different ad
thats all

i do feel that sometimes i really should leave
maybe they do not need me anymore there
everything seems fine
and everyone is fine
so i think and still thinking
is it a wise choice to leave
to let myself
really leave for a while
or maybe longer

heart is something that is difficult to understand
and
especially different people
heart is different
what they feel also different

i need time i think
or time cant help me this time
although everytime i do think that time
help me to heal
but actually it doesn't
it just that i keep it in the heart and just dont dare to touch it
and when someone accidentally touched it
the pain is still the same
nothing different
so i dun trust that this time
mr time can help me

i m kind of tired ad
very tired
but
i wont and never will fall apart
thats for sure

无奈

今天果真是非常特别我一辈子也不会忘记的几天
虽然有被人背叛的感觉可是算了吧他也不是故意的
可是今天的泪水的确很多
天空的颜色无论是蓝或是灰
我的心
有种停止的感觉
我真的是那么希望的
在那一秒
那一霎那之间
我真的希望我的心完全的停止
至少我不会感觉得到那种心如刀割的感觉
在一面写自己的心情的当儿
我完全是笑着哭
笑自己的傻
笑自己的苯
笑自己的没有用
笑自己为什么哭
笑自己.........
眼泪慢慢的流下来
滑过嘴角
我真正的尝到原来我的眼泪也能代表我心中的痛
我很努力让自己不要再掉泪
可是我真得做不到
看着窗外的风景换了又换
就这样我就想流泪
是我吗？
真的是我吗？
既然很多人都说是我那真的是我吗？
这样朋友将会分成两半
我最不想要就是这样
所以一直都没说
可是
我看样子真的像及了千古罪人了
可是他们有想过我不是吗？
他们又知道多少？
他们能明白吗？
算了........
我真得觉得算了
我真得累了
好累.........
真得好累
心中的呐喊有人听到了吗？
就算听到了又会明白吗？
就算听到了又会理解吗？

Today

is really a day
full of activities
i suppose to go for movie at
pavillion at 2
but i reject bcz i scared i cant rush there
then
i suppose also to go for study group
but i reject it also
bcz the timing not that right
but i really wanted to go there de lah
too bad
then i receive a call from my primary frens
they were so excited when i say i m goin......
bcz i was long lost since 5 years ago.....
we went lots and lots of places
and it had been a real great day
for me

Emo??

They say i am emo
since the day i came back from starbucks
thats wat they say lah..
how should i know??
i pun dun think that
i m emo lah
............
so unknown
and there is no equation that i can form
so sad
but i try lah

Stress + Miss "xxNxx" + problems + tests + heart = EMO

Thats this count??
how i know
u guyz
discuss about it and let me know ba

Hell

Oh god the title
made me remind of the scene
from the movie DRag Me to Hell
LOL
what and Good movie
yeah
haiz
din even know y i went
for the gathering
sometimes
i dun feel anything and
i think so lah

Feeling

The cloud outside is so dark
it is so dark and it is raining outside
but
the rain cannot even make my heart feel
the wetness of it as my heart is already so wet
and cannot feel any thing at all
looking outside of the window
the scenery is changing
but i feel like something is
blocking my eyesight
so
i think
everything
is better going as this
and
just hug myself tighter
and everything will be over soon
and
i will not be hurt anymore

Today

Its not the same as any other days
I really feel that
my heart, mind and soul are really very tired
not really feeling so right
it is very hard to control my own feelings
but i try very hard
i did try at least
but
almost break out from my own shell ad

STuff

I think in this world there is lots of stuff
that is better not known than know
maybe u are very curious
but follow ur heart
and most probably dun go and ask
for an answer
or else you will hurt urself more deeper
thats my opinion and my experience
that i went through
and hopefully no one will have
the same experience with me

Days

I know i have the outing post that i have not post about...
but
i am so not in the mood now...
as my head is going to burst
and i really think that sleeping could help
but it does not at all
i wanna knock my head on the wall AGAIN
Ryan, i dun wan ur ice-cream ad lah
i regreted and now i just want to get going
with my life now....
and most probably without him
although i know that this is so a coward act
but
i really dun noe wat to do
so i think
let everything goes by its own will be great
isn't it??
but i really think i m sure going to regret about this
next time when i think back
when i was older.....
so whats the point right??
so...
how??

Say

I did not even say tis out loud
but i do feel this
i know that laugh is gud
but now i do not even know the feeling of laughing
anymore
sometimes
and something
thats keep bothering my mind
that i cant even be happy enough
to be the right self
i hate to feel that
i feel sorry to my fren
that made me happy

Tagged

Tagged by the besties of mine...jybb...lol....i do it juz for u only ok??

Rules:
1. Answer the questions as honestly as possible.
2. Post this as "Did That Happen To You?"
3. Tag 10 friends.
4. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
5. Have Fun!!!


1. What do you do if you are in the bathroom with a beetle flying around?
- lol...continue lah..takkan halfway stop right???

2. What do you do if you hear a song you like playing on the radio when you are all alone in the room?
- listen to it till finish and leave what i m doing at the moment

3. You want to speak to your crush badly. What is your pick up line?
-hi...can i like know ur name or ur phone no...can we be friend..

4. What do you do if all your friends hate a particular band that you love?
- juz shut up till they finish all just walk away bcz its hurt to hear that

5. What do you do when you trip and fall in front of many people?
- Oh god..thats so fish

6. You forgot to do your multiple-choice question homework
-lol..biasa lah..copy and paste je lah..

7. You have bad breath and someone speaks to you. How do you react?
- erm say sorry and end the conversation fast.

8. You just finished gym and after a shower, you drop your underpants on the wet floor. What do you do?
- lol...dun dare to imagine...wear the clean one lah..how u suppose to wear the wet one leh??

9. What do you do if a personality quiz says that you have a lousy personality as your result?
- LOL...is that possible???

10. Your friend gave you the worst gift you have ever received and asks: Do you like it? How do you react?
- LOL..thx lah if not wat to say

11.(Continued from question 10) What are you really thinking secretly inside?
- erm...not bad lah..they did it wif effort mah at least

12. A hot guy/girl keeps looking at you while you are on the bus. What are you secretly thinking inside?
- Hot guy- LOL...whats he looking at??come over and talklah
- Hot girl- Come over and talk there is not wrong to have more frens rite??

13. Tag 10 friends now!

• Audrey..the girl who has no exam at the moment
• Yi Theng...short tag whe will do de lah
• Pei Wen...since she came back ad
• Esther..long time din see her liao
• Glady..she went back to hometown..envy
• Yen Yee...u made me do this
• Pui Yan...do it lah...
• lol...whoever wanted to do tis just do it
  

LOL

laugh at myself....
feel so sick
i think its because
the pressure and stress
that i myself give myself
for all those
and now
i cant even sleep
i wanna just sleep
but i dun noe y
juz cant
lol
feel like vomiting
and everything lah....

Happy

lol..happy i guess
to at least have what i need to be done
tis is the 1st step i take
and i will continue it
support me pls
guys~~

Cold

I feel so cold...
when he is around...
i hink i have all the decision made
although its like
feeling not that right in the left part of my chest
and feelin hard to breathe lah
but
i think the real decision is in my hand
so i just have to take the 1st step
to make that decision be real
i think i can make it
although mostly they say its hard
but i will do it
and i think that painfully
feeling will go away in sometimes right??
yeah right??
I thought of that also..
so i can do it de
if it is that painful then just laugh as much as possible lah
right??

Tagged

Tagged by Pui Yan CHang 1 of the besties of mine that long lost from the world of internet...
so have to do lah ...bagi muka sikit mah~~

--Instructions: Your answers can only be YES or NO.You may give reasons to support your answer.Lastly, please answer from the bottom of your heart. :)

Are you.....
1. A perfectionist? ...Yes, although i know that there is no perfect in this world but hell yes...i am
totally a perfectionist especially on my work.
2. In love? ...I guess so..I myself also not that sure about that but God...it is going on damn hard.
3. Romantic? ...Yeah. absolutely....
4. Smart? ...Yup...Thats what my frens told me lah....
5. A pet-lover? ...Yeah...I love seeing cute animals and just stand far and say hey its so cute but i
will never dare to walk near them.
6. A shopaholic? ...Yeah..kind of but more to bookaholic i guess....
7. A big eater? ...Erm not exactly....3 meals a day is more than enough ad but when stress arrive
then so sorry man...food is in the black list.
8. A fashion geek? ...NOt really....I have my own taste lah....sometimes very unique but not
absolutely unacceptable by the human population lah.
9. A music addict? ...Yeah..i love music....its part of my life.
10. A spoilt kid? ...No....thats what i think lah....plus i m an adult here ad ok??

Do you have.....
1. True friend(s)? ...Yeah i love them very much man...miss them like hell and thx god for let
them appear in my life.
2. A crush? ...Hell yes
3. An opposite sex that is flirting with you? ...I guess so.
4. Music classes? ...Now??no wor
5. Younger siblings? ...yeah.
6. An opposite sex that you're concern of? ...Yeah....i concern alot but sad to say i m trying not to
7. A religion? ...yes.
8. A lifetime partner? ...Not now lah.....
9. A favourite subject in school? ...Maths..yeah maths rocks...
10. A private blog? ...No lah..my blog is public leh

Your fears.....
1. Alone? ...Not really...i m kind of flexible
2. Insects? ...Some lah...
3. Gaining weight? ...Not really lah
4. Falling in love? ...Yes....I really fear that i get in a serious relationship.
5. Examinations? ...Not really but the stress is still there lah just because i m a perfectionist
6. Credit card bills? ...No..I dun have credit cards
7. Cold? ...Not really but when there is someone warm there is ok lah.
8. Future? ...Nope.
9. Travel around the world? ...No..Thats the only thing i wanna do wif my life partner.
10. Ghosts? ...Guess so...

Had you ever.....
1. Lie? ...yes.
2. Shop-lift? ...Hell no.
3. Cry? ...Yes,its normal for me ad lah.....cry more means i m still human and hav feelings
4. Been in a relationship? ...Nope ut hope so lah.but i am so scared
5. Watch porn? ...No wor..i read only
6. Use vulgar words on others? ...Yeah but not frequent lah...not good also
7.Feel like commit suicide-ing? ...Sometimes lah...
8. Feel like running from home? ...Hell yes
9. Kiss? ...No
10. Love someone? ...Yeah.

Instructions-
List out: The first three best friends name that pop out in your mind now:
1. Wong Yi Theng
2. Xiang Nee
3. Yen Torng

The first three opposite sex name that pop out in your mind now:
1. Shim Chang Min
2. Adrian
3. Adam

Your ambition:
A successful person with tons of money and truev frens around with a lot of laughters.

Your way of confessing:
Erm just talk to yi theng as i always did and without i even noticing..i confess lots of stuff ad.

Your dream vacation:
To travel around the world and finish all the time with my life time partner and no others..

Your type of lover:
Feeling is the most important thing and his personalities but be flexible lah..since my frens all know that i changes as fast as ur eyes blink.

Now that you've been true to yourself with this tag....Reward yourself to tag 10 of your true family and friends. Remember to note them in their cbox. =)

Aiya..i dun force u guyz to do it lah....
if u feel like wanna do it then do lah.